I've been thinking again, with the whole mess of things which are occurring right now. In the very least, I'm frustrated and scared. I'm not really one to trust others with my emotions, after all...
Lately, I've put effort into what Mr. C has suggested, but it's difficult for me to genuinely be myself when I know that causes me to fumble or that (due to my strong emotions) I become defensive to prevent myself from getting hurt. But...even with the risks....I find myself being abnormally comfortable with him. I'm not sure how to describe it, but (despite possibly saying this with past s/o) it feels so natural to meet up with him and just talk. At first, if I know there's people within 10 feet, I get nervous and speak quietly, but when we're completely alone I get excited to talk to him and anything can become a topic.
And he's completely different to me, dating wise. No, we aren't dating, though I wish we would aha.
Of course, there's the similarities such as humor or height (they're all tall OTL)...but he, now that I've had more time to know him, he is genuine and open versus the very difficult process of talking to the previous guys. Communication is more open, even if it isn't 100%. And I guess that unconsciously made me realize that I should trust him. And I do.
Regardless of my own sabotage to my relationships (aka, the doubt) I think that this might work out well. I'm still a bit afraid to completely bare my feelings to him, but I think it'd be worth it.
Wish me luck, haha
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